When my wife and I were dating, I was amazed at how many girlfriends she could keep up with whether it was a neighbor she's known since childhood or a co-worker from a past job. Often we would get together with one of them and their significant other for dinner or for drinks so Lisa and her friend could catch up from the last time they got together.
During these double dates, it was just a matter of time before Lisa and her friend would reminisce about their shared past. When this happened, the guy sitting across from me and I would make eye contact and grin. It was our cue to talk, get to know each other for the remainder of the evening. We were obligated to act as friends for the time we were together because our significant others have been friends.This pattern happened enough times that I began referring to each of these guys as my friend-in-law.
During the time I would spend with him, he would fall into one of these types:
1. Mr. Spock - The guy's affect qualifies him for AFAC (American Flat Affect Club). You can talk about anything and the most emotional response you'll get is "Really?" after a long sip of beer.
2. Mr. Me - His handshake is like a vise. All he talks about is himself. He believes he's a legend in his own mind, giving a three-hour long sales pitch.
3. Mr. Opposite - We don't have much in common. And if we do, his social IQ prevents him from realizing it's a good idea to talk about what little we do have in common if we want to get through the evening. Once we discover he doesn't like sports and I don't like whatever he likes, movies are the last refuge of commonality.
4. Mr. Mumbler - This type of guy is the opposite of Mr. Me. He has the handshake of a fish. He doesn't seem to have much to say and when he does speak I have to lean closer to him across the table. If we're in a bar, the louder the music the softer his voice. What surprises me the most is his tendency to laugh at his own jokes I can't hear.
Usually at the end of the get-together came the perfunctory nice-meeting-you handshake followed by one of us blurting out, "Good luck."
Though occasionally I would encounter the guy who turned out okay: he would be a good conversationalist, have a good sense of humor, and show an interest in what I would say.
As refreshing as it was to meet a guy I never met before who was cool, we would remain just friend-in-laws.
Since we did not meet on our own terms, didn't live or work near each other, didn't begin our friendship in college or high school, not becoming friends is nothing new.
Contrary to the plotline of the movie I Love You, Man, American straight men give up starting friendships and focus more on maintaining the ones they already have.
